Dear Getting a Grip:  A person on my team at work talks non-stop.  No matter how many times I try to bring a discussion to a conclusion, or ask this person to share his ideas in bullet points, he goes on and on.  I find our team meetings frustrating, inefficient and unproductive.  I think he means well and eventually some of his contributions can be important.  But he’s driving me insane.  What do I do?

Dear Insane:  Incessant talking at meetings can happen, particularly with those who speak meaninglessly at length out of nervousness or an inability to read social cues.  Since your team member does share ideas of value, you may have run into an interesting pattern in human thought and behavior.

For some people, an idea or insight, or a moving or troubling experience, passes silently through many folds and turns in the head and heart before they speak of it.

If the response to a stimulus were explained in letters of the alphabet, inwardly they explore letters A-K before speaking.  Then they announce, “My conclusion is ‘K.’”

That’s an internal processor.

When an idea or insight, or a moving or troubling experience occurs in a life, some people explore the combinations and permutations of its meaning and significance by speaking aloud.

They say, “A and B and C and D…” all the way to K.  Then they say, “My conclusion is ‘K.’”

That is an external processor.

Sounds like your team member might be an external processor.

While any explanation of human thought or behavior patterns has limits, especially when using an either-or dichotomy like “internal processor” vs. “external processor,” using these terms can be very useful. 

Interestingly enough, an internal processor and an external processor often end up in a partnership, either at home or at work.

Their interactions challenge each other.

When the internal processor shares little of his or her process, then announces “K” to the external processor, the external processor is left out of the process and can feel hurt or angry at having no input into the development of the conclusion.

When the external processor shares all of his or her process, announcing “K” at the end of an exploration spoken aloud, the internal processor has had quite an experience.

The internal processor, hearing the letter “A,” assumes that is the conclusion and begins to internally process A.  Then “B” is uttered.  The internal processor begins to internally process “B.”  By the end of the exploration, the internal processor is either exhausted from trying to follow the external processor, or shut down to save the effort.  The internal processor can also feel “used,” i.e. “Why did you waste so much of my time?  Why didn’t you just do what I do and share ‘K’ when you discovered it?”

Getting a Grip:  Use a timer.

Even with the best of intentions, both the internal processor and the external processor alienate their partners or team members, the former by being too exclusive, the latter by being too inclusive.  Balance lets each offer his or her true value.

With a timer - and rigid adherence to 1) silence during another person’s time, and 2) cut-off mid-sentence when the timer sounds - the internal processor learns to share insights along the way, thus sharing valuable wisdom and including team mates.  The external processor learns to prioritize.

When you introduce the idea of a timer, you will hear scoffing.  The internal processor may sit stubbornly silent during his or her time; the external processor may declare angrily that he or she wasn’t finished.  It takes courage to break old patterns and self-discipline to establish new ones.  You’ll learn how much the internal and external processors in your life are invested in their patterns or in working with you.

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Getting a Grip thanks The Reverend Phyllis Spiegel, Rector of St. Thomas Episcopal Church, Christiansburg, Virginia, for information on the concept of internal processing vs. external processing.

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Need to start “Getting a Grip” on a personal problem at work?  E-mail your question to grip@handshake20.com.

Getting a Grip, a workplace advice column for Handshake 2.0, is written by Anne Giles Clelland.  Getting a Grip regrets that not all questions can be answered, personal replies are not possible, and questions may be edited for brevity and clarity.

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Getting a Grip appears monthly in Valley Business FRONT.